Hello All,
I am on my computer again, to jot
down my small experience. I love this moment of sharing my experience with all.
Don’t know who all will be touched by what I went through. I think, that’s the
reason, we all share our experiences with others. As the song goes “Can you
believe what the lord has done in me, He has saved me, cleansed me, turned my
life around, set my feet on the solid ground”.
Before coming for Fire’ 2010, I had
3 – 4 prayers in my heart of which only two of them will I be highlighting.
About the rest, I will speak when the right time comes:
My First Prayer: Teach me to pray.
My Second Prayer: Teach me to learn and understand
your word.
Fire started for me not on Thursday
27th, but a week ago, when I was asked to take charge of the music
ministry as Shaji had left for Kerala. That was the start of FIRE inside me,
because I was in a mess. ‘Cause I knew I cannot take it. If you ask me to take
charge of a choir, I will surely do, because I know what needs to be done, but
not the music ministry of Jesus Youth. It’s because to lead the music ministry
of Jesus Youth one needs to be grounded in prayer and take the group together
in prayer. And I knew I was not at all in prayer. But still, I had to take up
the charge, in the absence of Shaji and set up the stage. A week before Fire,
when I was asked to schedule the songs for Fire, I had no clue what to do. BTW,
even before the start of FIRE, we had no clue of the songs. (Binu helped me a
lot to set the songs for the retreat, in the retreat). I never knew how to
select the songs but I had to select it and give it to Simon the coordinator,
who was behind me with a stick all the time. When I was asked to select these
songs, I was working 12-hour shifts (8am to 8pm), so I was sitting late night
to get the songs selected and coordinate for music ministry. But still I wasn’t
that serious, I just had to select the songs, and I knew the lead will be taken
by Shaji when he returns from Kerala. I selected the songs for Thursday (Day 0)
and Friday (Day 1) so that we could at least practice the next Saturday and
Sunday. We did have a practice session on Saturday before Fire with the Audio
Visual Team. Since, I was working; I had to skip the Saturday’s practice. The
next scheduled date was on Sunday and the venue was decided as St. Clelia
convent, Sakinaka and FIRE was supposed to happen next week. I was all set for
Sunday’s practice, notified all to reach the venue for practice via way2sms,
which I was not planning to do, because everyone knew they had to be there in
the morning 10:00 am. But for confirmation, I put an SMS. I was shocked when I
got a reply from Heartina, that the venue has been changed to Tabor Bhavan. I
knew that was a joke or some mistake. I called her up to correct it. To my
surprise, the decision had been made by the coordinators of FIRE. I said hey,
you need to understand the situation here - We are not ready for FIRE. Well, I
said this to myself.
I then, called up Simon, because he
was the culprit in changing the venue. But no use, we had to reach Tabor Bhavan
as the JY’s from Indore and Nagpur, who were supposed to conduct the Teens
retreat, would reach one day late. So, I asked the music ministry to reach
Tabor Bhavan for practice. I was excited of going to Tabor, but don’t ask me
why, because I myself didn’t know why it was so. We reached Kalyan station, and
we get news that we have to handle two groups. So, we need two keyboardists and
singers by the side. I said, yes, we will surely handle them. Hope they don’t
handle us first. But, I knew if HE has asked for it, HE will provide for
it. We had only one keyboardist i.e, Jobin and a half keyboardist, I. I
had lost the touch of keyboard months back, since I do not have a keyboard at
my home. I thought, let’s give it a try, I may not be able to give the best,
but whatever I have, I will give.
The days at Tabor:
23 May, Sunday – Reached Tabor for the
Teens Retreat
24 May, Monday – Teens Retreat
25 May, Tuesday – Teens Retreat
26 May, Wednesday – End of Teens
Retreat
27 May, Thursday – Start of FIRE’ 10
28 May, Friday – FIRE’ 10
29 May, Saturday – FIRE’ 10
30 May, Sunday – End of FIRE’ 10
This would help understand the
events which I am to share.
When we reached Tabor, we had no
clue what to do. Some people came around us gave us the Time table for the
three days and vanished. I said WOW! What do we do now. Since, Immanuel was
waiting at the station for two more volunteers to reach; we had to plan for
ourselves. We had a small prayer and then decided to split and make two groups
and move as we were already late. We started the rosary as per the timetable
and then a session started, which gave us some time to think. Well, after that
it was “Rock Rock Rock in the light”. You won’t believe me; I was playing the
keyboard and singing as well, which I never did in my life. I have always done
only one thing at time, play the keyboard or sing. At tabor it was really an
experience, because I had no other choice but to do it. Well, it did teach me
that I can do things if I can just believe in HIM. Praise the lord!
That was just a trailer of the Storm
I was going to experience. Things started flowing; I really do not know how it
went so beautifully. I remember what Beena chechi of REX Band once told us in
Talent Gallery Sep 2008, “Take that faithful first step and He will take you a
mile”.
Before coming to Tabor, Femin (for
those who do not know him, he is one of the elder’s in the music ministry and
takes care of the Keyboard) and I had planned to have some practice sessions on
Monday afternoon and Tuesday afternoon for FIRE and set as many songs as
possible, since we were planning to move out the next morning from Tabor and
since we needed to practice for FIRE’ 10 . After attending the sessions, I
didn’t feel like moving out of Tabor. Its then, that we got to know that the
music ministry of JY Indore and Nagpur will not be present with the group, who
would be reaching Mumbai the next day. So, now I felt a stronger urge not to
leave Tabor. Next morning Femin called me up about the practice on Monday and
Tuesday, I did not have any words to tell him, but say “SORRY” and that we
cannot move out of Tabor, since we had to be there and help out. So, that was
the last hope of all practice sessions of music ministry for FIRE coming to a
big FULL STOP. At tabor, we had also planned to do some practice sessions for
Music Ministry, but the days were so tiring and the temperature there was so
high, which caught us really badly and that plan also got foiled.
Those three days at Tabor, shook me
off from my ground due to the sessions of the priests there. It was a
devastating experience for me. The sessions taken by the priests were so
piercing, which I can never forget. The experiences shared by Fr. George, the
director of Divine Retreat Center of Bangalore, of changing the climate
conditions with the Blessed Sacrament in front of him, kept me thinking if
these things really happen. Before his session Immanuel had given us a hint
about this Priest and I was waiting for his sessions. After his session, Fr.
Joseph and Fr. Joshi shook the ground beneath me and I am sure same thing
happened to all those who were listening to them.
It was really beautiful. The
deliverance mass celebrated by Fr. George in the Teens retreat and Fr. Rony at
FIRE was simply heart throbbing. I was Joseph at my best, shouting to my Lord,
not fearing what others will think about me. It was amazing, just amazing.
I really do not know how I could
sing for those seven days even after drinking cold water (due to the
temperature there), shouting at the top of my voice and still not have a sore
throat. Every day was a new beginning for me at Tabor. New lessons learnt. Well
I didn’t feel content of what I got, since we had to run to two groups
simultaneously and conduct action songs, skits and different things. I am just
thinking of other volunteers as well, they must have had an amazing experience
running around, whole of Tabor Bhavan.
And then came FIRE’ 2010.
The change had already started in me
by the sessions by the priests of Tabor.
Thursday 27th, when Shaji
was supposed to be there informed that he would be there only in the evening. I
said, “OK, no problem, at least he will be there in the evening”. But still I
was a bit sad. The music ministry was not prepared to take it. We had new
people coming in for music. I did not know how it will go without any practice.
Joseph Vincent, the guitarist is a real boon and Christine, Jerome’s wife. It
was great to have Jerome in the AV Team. This fire, we had new faces, but they
knew more songs than me.
I got many corrections, the next day
from FIRE coordinators, and I did not know how to handle it. Without Shaji, it
was getting very difficult for me to handle the situation. Binu was a big
support then. In the evening, Shaji came and suddenly he left with a message
that he will be back only the next day evening. I was crying inside, cause it
was really getting tough to handle and I could see music ministry needed Shaji
a lot. Right at that moment, I should have taken these things to my Lord. But,
I didn’t feel the need of it. Its only after FIRE’ 10 did I realize, that these
small things were taking root in me for a disaster later on. That disaster was
not long way off. Something inside me was crying for something, I didn’t know.
I just wanted to be with my God for some time and I didn’t even have time. On
Saturday (DAY 2), Shaji was there, and I decided to be in Chapel as much as
possible, but still could not get time. It was then, the music ministry was
divided in two, so that the other half of the team can be in the chapel for
intercession. But I felt as if the ministry is breaking up. This added to my
sorrow. I really didn’t know why I was thinking in that manner. All these
thoughts were tearing me apart, but still had a big smile on my face. I think
it was at 11.30am or 12pm we were asked to go to chapel and sit in front of the
blessed sacrament and intercede for all the participants. This was new to me. I
never knew what intercession was, or why we need to intercede. My stand
was, since God knows our need what difference do we make by interceding.
Everything happens according to HIS will.
Still I was there in the chapel
because I needed the strength to go on. We all were in the chapel started
praying for the participants in our own words. But I wanted to be with my Lord
for some time. After some time we were asked to have lunch and come back. When
we went out Rachel was waiting for us. I had never seen Rachel in such a mood.
She was like an angel standing with a sword in front of us. She blasted all of
us for – the way we were interceding for the participants. That did it. That
put me one more step lower, but I did not realize it then. After that, I don’t
know negative thoughts started creeping all around me. After lunch, I said to
myself, “I have to go to the chapel and will not come out until He blesses me”,
since; I was in sorrow and didn’t knew, what was eating me inside. It was then
Immanuel, Agnel, Shaji and all the elders joined us in the chapel after lunch.
They were praising with loud voices, but I could not, not even a word came out
of me. I felt really bad; of the thought what would other JYs think about me.
But then, I had to clear my conscience in front of God and He knew something is
wrong in me. I was crying inside, but could not express. I was silent, with all
the sorrow. I even felt like going out of chapel. But I had a firm decision to
stay in the chapel until Jesus blesses me. I don’t know how much time I was
there in the chapel. I think before we left for supper, a thought went through
my mind, “Why am I so depressed, why am I so broken”. It’s after that, I felt
all those negative thoughts melt away and I was able to praise again freely. I
thanked my Lord, for that moment. I really did not know what actually happened,
it was only after FIRE (the next Friday morning) that I realized, the events
and the reasons, of all those thoughts in me, which I explained to you; one by
one. I thanked my God that he delivered me of those thoughts that night. This
was a great realization of how thoughts can put you down and restrict you from
doing good things or make you do things, which you don’t want to do.
It was then, the great battle – the
Adoration started. I really don’t remember the time, possibly 8pm or 8.30pm
after supper. We were strictly asked not to go on stage but stay behind the
participants and pray for them. I decided to obey. I was there thanking the
Lord for my deliverance and to touch the participants, that they too may
experience what we have. That adoration, I’m sure touched many. After the adoration,
as usual we had a volunteers meeting to discuss the next day’s schedule. It was
then that Alex chetan shared his experience that he could see a big difference
in the way the participants were so closely listening to the session before the
adoration. He also said, it was because of your intercession. At that time I
was not in the mood to take anything, I was badly exhausted. But I did keep
that in my mind.
The day, when we were all supposed
to be moving out of Tabor, all the participants were jolly-jolly. May be
because they won’t have to see our faces again or may be because they got what
they wanted – Jesus. Hope the latter is T-R-U-E. The music ministry and the
Audio-Visual Team had a blast the whole FIRE, even without practicing. All
thanks to Leo Chacko, Leo Maureel and Simon the coordinator (I appreciate his
patience). Things went perfectly as planned not by us but by GOD. These new
experiences taught me a lot. I also apologise to the coordinators, that I was
not able to keep the Music Ministry together in prayer. I just remember one
thing from the bible – “How can a blind man lead others”.
You know what; my best experiences
are always after the retreats. After coming back home, I got a call from one of
my friend, who was not there in FIRE, that her sister, whom I had asked to be a
part of FIRE’ 10, but had to go to Kerala for a medical check-up, that her
sister is not detected with any illness. She used to have severe pain in the
knees and joints in the past 3-4 years and was detected with GOUTS, which is
related to the bones. I don’t know if that is the correct spelling. This year
Jan or Feb, Jesus youth had gone to Ghansoli for conducting a Night Vigil. Fr.
Binoy of Ghansoli, the main celebrant asked us to offer all who are in pain, in
need of something on to the altar. His Holy Mass was very meaningful and was
alive. I had surrendered my friend’s sister to the altar and also, two others.
Father had also asked us to go and ask all, if the illness or the pain has left
them or not. I was a bit shy to ask her to go again and have a check-up done,
for fear – What if it’s not healed. Well, after this FIRE He showed me who He
really is and also the answer to my question – Teach me to pray. He also made
me understand the importance of intercession and to keep praying, as any child
would bring their sibling’s need to his/her parent and not to be doubtful in
the providence that HE is. I think that’s how we get closer to God, through our
pain and through others pain. As Femi shared – Why does he put pain into the
lives of people. It is for us and others to be stronger and come closer to God.
The illness, GOUTS had left her forever. Doctors told that she is less of
calcium. Nothing else.
There is another situation, which
also changed my thinking, which I will be sharing with a testimony of my
friend.
WOW! This FIRE really Rocked my
life.
I WENT to FIRE’ 10, SAW and Jesus
CONQUERED me head to toe.
I CAME, SAW and WAS CONQUERED.
Praise the Lord!
Halleluia!
Would like to hear any corrections
or insights that you can provide to enlighten me.
In Prayers
Joseph Thanickal
